Well another day at drs .more bad news. It never ends it seems. However. I understand the lord only gives us what we can only handle .but I’m trying really hard to be a patient woman .It is getting really hard to keep hanging in there when the hits just keep coming. I am strong..I am a survivor of many pains in my lifetime. I’m a optimist ..I’m usually a very positive happy person …But I’m wearing thin now. My skins not as thick as is use to be…I’m tired of the fight…I’m tired of the fake smiles…I’m tired of pretending I’m ok. Truth is ..I’m not ok I am tired and I do hurt .my smile is a frown filled with pain. A facade .its hard trying to keep these unrealistic feelings under wrap…I want to cry…I want yell..I want to scream at the top of heavens door.I want to feel..but I’m a mother..wife..hopefully oneday soon a grandmother. The one dream I do live and fight for to see in my future . Its just overwhelming now and becoming just to much to handle . But I Will do this..I Will survive the pain..I Will endure all that is given to me..I Will continue to smile. Not for me but for those who love me and need me in life and in their hearts .as I need all of them in my life and my heart to overcome all of this pain that has bestowed itself onto me. I’m a survivor ..a God fearing devout catholic woman. So I trust in the lord and place my body and soul in his hands. He Will when the time is right help guide me down the path that he has made especially for me. To do this requires me to have patients..strength..trust…and above all love for God and family . So this my friends is how I feel and how I deal with my particular situation ..I do love myself bc God made me a special unique person unlike no one else in life.which of course is his way and plan for all of us. So the fight Will continue as Will the pain..however the fight and the pain is what Will set me free to survive all I have within me good or bad.I am a survivor !!!! I write these words to comfort me as well as anyone else in this world who may feel somewhat like me or not. Maybe different reasons but the outcome Will and shall all be the same. Love yourself above all because you are worth it..we all are worthy of love and inspiration offered to us at no charge. The fee is freedom .live..laugh…love.and please believe !
Written and shared to all that love.
For love is God and God is forever love. Thank you my friends for loving me.
Cecelia Hinson Crandall


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